feeling lost, helpless and hopeless. i'm still struggling to find a job, and rejection after rejection after rejection is not doing much for my spirits. the deadline for my tuition payment is fast-approaching, and my parents make sure to remind me whenever they can the importance of getting a job so i can pay for my car and college tuition. yesterday my brother (the only member of my family i completely trust) told me that while I wasn't in the room my father made sure to let my mother know how much of a financial burden i am. the mistakes i've made (the three attempts on my life, and the consequential hospital stays following them) were stupid and selfish, and just cost him more money. of course, my father is too much of a ***** to tell any of this to my face. i am well aware of my mistakes. i already feel like a burden as it is, i don't need my family reminding me of it all the damn time. that and the stress of not having a job is making me sink slowly back into my depression. i'm not eating, and sleep doesn't come easy. i just want to be okay again, whatever okay is.