You ain't got no blame, you must remember this. Guilt eats us, it's terrible. I understand you. Indicative sensations of panic, feeling that you are caught in a vise and urgently need to be selected. The brief moments I dropped out of reality, was the state of «stun and dullness». I easily brought to tears were strong feelings. All my peacekeeping steps were, in fact, excuses. And people with every kind word attacked me with accusations more and more. I began to stoop. Self-image: the little провинившаяся dog curse, and she humbly pressed her ears and tail, and looks in your eyes and trying to seem very good, just don't blame her anymore... In this situation, no matter what you say. You can say thought, then change it to the opposite, and attacks will and then, and more. And the more you try to protect yourself, the more you will be attacked. After a long time, it became clear to me that controls feelings of guilt. And then the question arose: how to get rid of unpleasant feelings, learn with dignity to endure such a situation, not run from them, not hide and respect yourself and be able to stand for itself? Every time, when I saw the above conditions, I told myself new principles. All principles need to understand and see deeply, so deeply to reach their painful feelings. It's not even just understanding, is a complete, unconditional acceptance of the new truth. My new principles: 1. I am not to blame in your (the interlocutor) perception. This means that I am not responsible for the person's response. I am not guilty, that he was angry at me (this is his feeling, and consequently, his headache). I am not guilty, that he does not know how to speak properly, that his health was not in bayonets. I don't blame the fact that he is not able to constructive criticism, but instead «fall» in emotions or beginning to switch to the individual. Etc. Each person reacts so, and not otherwise, because he didn't know how else to react. He may be upset by the situation, feels powerless, or he has his own reasons for the bad mood. But you bear responsibility for his feelings and sensations! But your feelings in your area of responsibility. This is very important! 2. I am not my fault that make mistakes, whom I know not. How can you be responsible for what you do not know. And just one cannot know! We live and learn, accumulate experience and knowledge. And making mistakes is normal, it is a sign that you are moving and not cost on a place. Makes no mistakes he who does nothing. 3. I don't blame the behavior and actions of other people. If I'm guilty for their feelings, emotions, therefore, not guilty in their actions. In life it is very important to distinguish between «you» and «I». I am responsible for my feelings, his mood, his actions, his life. But I have nothing to your reactions, your behavior, your «bad» etc. In this approach, you spare yourself unnecessary excess ballast responsibility for someone else's life, but take responsibility for their lives. Think for yourself, why do you bear the responsibility for others, when you still cannot do anything with their lives. You are not going to change. But you can change yourself. 4. I don't blame the fact that something cannot. How can you be responsible for something he didn't know how. Life is endless study. And to learn is to react calmly to the period when you are not good enough and all you get «bad»! 5. I don't lose my love or a good relationship because of his behaviour. No need to make excuses and try to be «good». At the moment of occurrence of the situation (when you feel guilt) to you have already submitted a claim, you have already thought bad. Well and let them think that. Your actions and words now, after, nothing will change! The one who treated you badly, he managed to make a conclusion one thy deed, he will not change his attitude. And its findings, frankly, are not wise " (and hence, the fool»). But the one who knows you, but at the moment of angry accusations at one time will not to treat you badly. He, of course, would be offended (and we remember that not responsible for his feelings), but love you it will not cease. Love, good attitude is not quickly pass. And on one or even several of thy transgressions hardly «will disappear». Do not try to earn a good relation. This is nothing. Everybody can not please everyone. Be yourself. But, in turn, should not insult other or blame in response to the attacks. Just stop responding. And even helps with a sense of mutual respect (for oneself and for the interlocutor) in a dignified say what you really want to say. But not обозляйтесь. If you desire to «finally avenge all previous accusations, or bind any other pain, filled with warmth! When in my life there was another conflict-accusatory situation and I said to myself all the new principles, my behavior has changed dramatically! I immediately stopped making excuses. I did not want to be before someone good. I took and put all! Yes, in such situations it is useful to take the initiative in their hands, «build» «prosecutors» and finish the conversation. And finishing it by their rules. But remember - mutual respect! Only by respecting oneself and respecting others, you can adequately out of these and many other situations. And then you will no longer feel guilty dog, and will be a worthy companion. Good luck in work!