I feel like I should start this by saying my T never touches me without asking so it's not like she is just randomly touching me. She has asked to hug me twice. I said yes both times but both times it felt really weird.

I find that I have problems with physical touch just in general and I don't understand why. Like, I hate buses because I hate sharing a bench with other people. Maybe the bench is too small and our legs touch or they'll be reaching for something and they bump me or just having someone next to me and feeling their general body heat.

It drives me insane to have people touch me unless I'm super SUPER close to them and in the perfect mood and even then, I don't usually appreciate more than a pat on the back or a hug that I initiate. I don't understand why this is. I don't find it triggering. I actually like the idea of thinking about hugging someone or being cuddly. If I don't have any physical contact, I get really lonely. It's even weirder to me that I have this problem with my T. I feel close to her, but I just feel uncomfortable being touched or hugged by basically anyone.

Do any of you struggle with this? Does this stem from physical abuse or not receiving any physical affection as a kid or am I just weird?