I totally understand where you're coming from. When a new doc asks what depression/anxiety meds I've been on, I say, "Go down the list, and I'll tell you if I recognize the name," because I have tried so many that I lost count a long time ago. I always got side effects--often the really weird ones that hardly anyone gets (hello, vertigo). I'm in the same place as you. I've given up on meds. But my depression has gotten so bad again that I'm tempted to consider it--but then I think about the bad experiences and feel hopeless.