I have a somewhat similar experience. I never experienced affection growing up, so touch is definitely something I'm hyper-aware of and something I have strong reactions to. For instance, I do NOT like to be touched by people I don't know. Whenever I'm in a crowd and someone brushes me accidentally, it completely grosses me out. If I've just met someone, and they want to hug me goodbye, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. There are also people in my life-- one close friend in particular-- who wants to hug me and be physically close to me and I just find the idea of that repulsive. In these instances, it feels as though the other person has "cooties" and I don't want them to touch me. This is heightened for me if there is something about them physically that just grosses me out.

On the other hand though, there are people in my life I do feel very affectionate towards. For instance, I am very comfortable hugging/touching my best friend, my close girlfriends at work, my sister, and my T. I'm also physically comfortable in romantic relationships; I'm very affectionate with my partners.

I have discussed this topic with my T. I know that my hyper-awareness regarding touch comes from the neglect and lack of affection I suffered as a child. But why am I so grossed out by touch from certain friends, and yet so comfortable with touch from others? I don't know if there's a clear answer why I react so differently with different people. It's not even about closeness, because I'm closer to the friend that "grosses me out" than I am to many of my girlfriends at work who I feel completely comfortable being affectionate with.

I will say, though, that I've become more comfortable with touch over time. There was a period in adolescence when I wouldn't touch or hug ANYONE under any circumstances. Now, there are people I really enjoy being affectionate with. And, with the right people, I can be very affectionate. My T doesn't even seem to understand how uncomfortable I can get if the wrong person touches me, because she sees that I'm comfortable being affectionate with her. I almost wish she could see me recoil from a stranger just so she could compare the different reactions!