Hi,
I am new here, just signed up. I'm pretty sure everyone here is going through something rather similar, but I don't feel as if anyone really understands what's going on in my mind (I'm sure we all feel that way). For starters, the honest truth is that I have been dealing with depression since I was about 13 years old. I am now 22. I've had my bad days, months, and years and my good ones, but lately everything seems to be going out of control. I feel trapped, like I'm about to burst. But the strangest part is that within the last month or so, it seems that I have lost all sense of emotion. I feel a little robotic. I used to feel hurt and pain so greatly that I couldn't breathe and I would cry a lot, but now, I know the pain is there... I just don't feel it. In my nearly 10 years of rough depression, I never let anyone know that there was something wrong. I put on this sunny, cheery disposition. I think one of the biggest reasons I never sought help was because my mom and sister were/are battling rough depression as well and I know they would never get help. I would feel awful if I got help and left them behind (they are my reason for living). Instead, I've been their picker upper, lifting their spirits and trying to teach them how to enjoy life... I wish I could do the same for myself. I doubt any professional could help me anyway.