I cannot get my head wrapped around things. I have made terrible mistakes. I had emotional affairs in a never ending search for approval and acceptance.
I looked at porn as an escape from my emptiness and unhappiness.

And no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter what strides I make, no matter how much I admit to, my ex just can't let it be what it is.
I am going to get our daughter for a week and she is upset that she will be away from her for the week.

I have offered time and time again to get marriage counseling. I have admitted to my mistakes. My entire world has been turned upside down because of my mistakes and my stupidity.

And what do I get from her? More of the same...."YOU did this and YOU did that...YOU destroyed our marriage...all I ever wanted was a happy home etc etc and YOU destroyed it all because YOU wouldn't go get the help you needed."

I seriously wish I never had to hear her voice again. I never thought I would be in the place where I am actually beginning to despise her very existance.

But that is not who I am. And anymore I am just a broken man who sits in his little apartment and works every day to figure out how the hell I let my life get so out of control.

It's time for me to go pick up our daughter and the dog. I just don't even want to see her face. I am SO tired of this!