Thank you both for your kind words.

I'm starting to feel like I am under water. Like I'm not real. If I think too hard, it feels like I am dreaming and sometimes I need to remind myself I really am awake. My therapist will tell me "let it happen, feel better" and she isn't much help, but she is all I can afford.

I am already scared to leave my room. My obsessive compulsions are already beginning to consume me. I feel like everyone is happier when I am no longer in the way. I can't do this again, I can't. I don't want to go to the hospital again.