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Freewilled · Jul 14, 2013, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultramar

This is something I've found to be really curious -because I've seen others' worry about this as well, that after getting through talking about everything from the past, there won't be anything to talk about anymore and/or the therapist will no longer be interested.

I worry he won't be interested at all anymore and then he will think I really have/had no reason to be in T in the first place....

Aren't there other things you could always talk about? Relationships, depression (if you suffer from this), things going on in your life now, meeting goals you want for yourself for the future (in other words, talking about present and future)?

This is true - there are always things I can try to talk about past, present and future (although my anxiety makes it really hard to keep from drawing a blank and to remember what it is I want to say)....My T seems to think that I'm putting a ton of pressure on myself to perform and that I'm having performance anxiety, so to speak...

I just don't think therapists are only interested in the past. Or even only interested in bad things that have happened to us. There's so so much more to anyone than the past. Even as far as the 'past' there are all of the years between whatever trauma(s) you have experienced (especially if you're talking about childhood) and now -what about all of those experiences and how they affect you now, in both positive and negative ways?

I feel like my T is probably not interested in ANY of it I think that's my issue...

I know I've had tons and tons of experiences between childhood/adolescence and now, some negative, but a lot of them positive, some life-changing, many I'd never want to change. Even in childhood/adolescence, I'm very cognizant of the fact that I also had good experiences. I think of myself as a whole person, the sum of *everything* I have experienced, relational experiences, emotional experiences, other sorts of experiences. All of this makes who I am today, and makes for a lot to talk about. Not to mention present and future. I think everyone is the sum of tons of things, whether one chooses to focus on one part of one's life or not.

i get really jumbled up trying to share a story about something that happened the past week or trying to recall a feeling or express it - I suck at communicating and I know I'm not interesting - I'm boring! I don't feel I know myself well at all so maybe it's hard to talk about what you do not really know.

Do you feel -given your fears- that you talk so much about the past *in part* because you're afraid of losing him if and when you stop talking about this?

THIS. Yes - I am afraid once I am "done" he will be done with me. He will look back over the past months and think "why the **** did she even bother to come in here in the first place?! This stuff is *really* not a big deal and she needs to get.over.it already. I don't have time for this." Dramatic sounding - I know. It's more than just thoughts like this, but it's more the feelings that accompany them that are so intense it's hard to explain.

I must move past all this though because it really is taking center stage and I'm afraid he will get sick of me and tell me he can't help me move past it - that I'm not ready or not something...and I don't want the way my life is right now (severely depressed, anxious and unable to get close to people) to be the way I have to live forever....thanks for the food for thought - I appreciate it