I'm just going to vent a little of what I feel throughout the days, I guess anonymously is better than nothing.

Usually, when I get up I either go right back to bed, or get up and eat a whole lot, or get up and just do nothing until I am forced to go to work or some other obligation. When I was working I didn't even get sleep because I felt like I will wake up late for work and disappoint my boss. When I was working is when the anxiety was destroying me, just eating at me, the emotions were flowing. And I worked a mere two days a week for only five hours, and I had to use the rest of the week to recuperate from the stress. Now that I don't work I just feel nothing, like usual, but I just feel like I should be doing something, care about something. I'm moody, especially toward my mother and I feel it has to do with always feeling like I will be passive aggressively put down or judged when I am around her. Binge eating is my crutch, as well as cutting- though I don't do it often, though when I do I just do it for like a week straight. I never really thought of going to therapy until around two weeks ago I was smoking some medical grade marijuana to try to relieve my anxiety and on that day, for some particular reason, I greened out- for those who don't smoke its basically like a freak out- and I couldn't move and I through up three times. While in this weird catatonic state I could only think, "I need to get help. I'm broken and need to get help.".

Sooooooooo, that felt awkward to type up and I'm going to post it before I feel to insecure to go through with it.

P.S I also think about suicide everyday though will probably never go through with it.