It's interesting because I think I was on the other end of the situation....I was the one yelling & fighting with my H.....because from before we got married I never trusted him & he was always trying to financially do really STUPID things which I well knew having my BS in business. I fought with my parents before that for similar reasons. 33 years after getting married, I finally left my H for 2100 miles distance. I couldn't believe how the peace of not living with him or parents who were seriously not wise has made such a difference in my personality. I don't fight with friends.....I don't fight at all....life is so peaceful. It was horrible living with someone that I always felt like I had to fight with to survive....but I was born a fighter....so I wasn't about to back down. I didn't respect him from before we got married....which is why I'm sure there was NO LOVE.

I'm sure that my husband saw me as this horrible person....but he was the one that always lied about things & refused to communicate & then when I found out the things he did.....there was nothing but anger that could be felt.......sometimes it's difficult to see the other side or why the person is acting the way they are.....because we don't understand HOW they think especially when they don't communicate.....it leaves us with just our picture of what we are experiencing.

What you wrote just triggered because I realized that I could have been preceived to be very much like your H......& yet I was on the wronged side of the marriage.....it was just how I was reacting to being wronged.

Your sharing opened my blinders a bit farther......thank you.

I know that I may forgive my H in the future....but I will never forget the things he did & the lessons I learned......I know it's difficult....but time does help. I have been away for 6 years even though I haven't finished filing for the divorce which I finally started last year....needed to see how things were turning out with the house before I jumped to the next step......like you said...one step at a time.....& I personally don't care how slow because I have no desire to ever get married or bother being in a relationship ever again.