I've never really had body issues in the sense that I thought I was fat. I have had a lot of emphasis placed on how pretty I am and now that I'm getting older I'm terrified of losing it. I'm terrified that once I do I won't be worth anything. But I worry more about wrinkles than fat. I actually think I might look better and younger if weighed a bit more.
For me anorexia has always been about being in control and feeling clean. I feel clean when I don't eat and I feel disgusting when I do. I feel like it's a moral failing or something if I can't starve myself well enough and I just feel dirty. I've struggled with anorexia a couple times in the past but nothing as bad as I have it now. I went through a breakup and I told myself that if in 30 days I didn't feel better I would kill myself. I think starving myself was a way around that... I was just killing myself slowly. While I do have some body issues they are mostly related to dissociative issues (I don't feel like my body is mine for some reason) and while I worry about aging it's not that big of a deal for me.