Dear Bbren,

I'm so sorry for your situation. Your plate is definitely full. We can be thankful that your father is 83 now and very doubtful he will molest again. Sky is right, the only thing that having your father register as a sex offender wlll do, is cause more problems for you. That you don't need.
Your husband needs to go back to his doc ASAP. The meds are definitely not working right and the doc needs to adjust them. Refusing to take a shower isn't normal.
Are you on any anti-depressants? It sounds like you need them. I'm not trying to push anti-depressants but without them, I wouldn't be here, so I know they will work if you find the right ones.
I don't blame you one bit for wanting out. Anyone would in this situation. I'm just sorry you have to endure this. That's alot of stress.
I am glad your one son lives fairly close. Are you able to talk to him about these problems? It may help and he may try and keep in contact with you more often if he knows what you are going through. I have two sons and I am able to talk to them about anything, as they are me. They are grown and married but once in a while, they still need Mom's shoulder, as I do them.
I hope your situation will better itself somehow. I am glad you posted. You need to post more, even if it's just to vent. It does help release some of the stress we feel.
Take care of yourself and I'll say a prayer for you,
Linda