2½ years with counselor (not a shrink; MA, LPC, NCC)... first and only person who really clicked with me after decades of this. Came to totally trust and believe in her -- rare and amazing. Then things went ugly in January, with return of major depression (all of this year so far). Meds stopped working, so I quit them (Viibryd), and it's been downhill. BTW the detox from that stuff is wicked nasty, even with a reasonable taper down period. AVOID.

OK so alternate therapies got a lot of discussion (ECT, rTMS) for months, but I've been unable to decide what/ where/ how. No such services around my small town, so this is presenting as a big ordeal, requires staying in a remote city for weeks during treatment, etc. Logistics, expense, can't wrap my head around it, just too depressed to work it out, to decide a course of ACTION.

So, I finally asked her last week IF she could make the decision for me, and set up the treatment. She agreed, said this is no problem, reminded me of her familiarity with a certain healthcare organization and city she had experience with, and said I'd get an email from her with the details. Again, I have been desperate, increasing intense suicidal thoughts/plans, and made that clear to her. Right up to last session. Hard as it still can be to bring that stuff out, I stated it clearly, that I've been scared by this ****.

In a nutshell she replied with a link to a shrink she doesn't know, who does ECT in a city she doesn't know and is quite far away, ignoring or forgetting the fact that we had discussed and had been leaning towards rTMS in a city and hospital she knew very well -- IE, a completely different scenario. I'd told her many times I'm afraid of the possible permanent memory loss from ECT and prefer rTMS even though my insurance does not yet cover it.

Well, I questioned the choice of an ECT shrink, she said "oops, sorry, I goofed up"... and it hit me hard that she hadn't taken this seriously or didn't write anything down, or something unlike her. Blew away my confidence in her, the trust we had built. I know the disease is in play in this, yet it felt so plainly WRONG for her to act this way. Not right now, not with this.

So, after a few beats, I said I'm done with our working together, and that's that. She questioned why, I painfully explained, and it's done. I can't emphasize enough that I'd been very straight with her about the deepening pit and dark thoughts, though I've never made an attempt and maybe gave the impression that it wasn't a valid option. She later said she must have chosen not to see that in me. Wow. I'm still shocked.

So, time for a new chapter, but I don't know about any of this anymore. I know I'm done with meds, been too many for too long that haven't worked or barely worked. Sorry for rambling on, I just wondered if anyone has had a similar falling out with their counselor/therapist after so much time invested.