Well said Ham-Bam. Wow, entitlement.

Here's a thought on "hoping for change".

Many times, people in relationships feel a strong emotional bond with their partner, call it love if it is that strong, and those emotions can make you "hope for change". Or even "work" for change. But changing someone else is not possible. Only coersion is possible. And that's not good, either. THEY have to see it, and want to change.

For the quality of insecurity/controlling behavior, on a scale of 1 to 10, if "typical" is a 5, then on good days someone would be at a 2 and on bad days they would be at an 7. But the center number is what matters.

Sounds like your guy's "normal" is at an 8, and on a bad day he is at a 12 and on a good day a 7. That's too much. And IF he can see that it is a problem, and IF he wants to change, he is going to have to get all THREE numbers down. Not just one.

Example, if he works hard at it, and gets it under control to where his typical day is at a 7, and his good days are at a 5, but then once a month explodes with a 14, he really hasn't affected a change. He is just binge/purging his outbursts.

I hope that makes sense.