You didn't know then what you know now about it.... sexual stuff is adult stuff... not child stuff...and being needy, of course, you enjoyed the attention and "affection" you got...

Our bodies are meant to enjoy touch.. good touch.. loving touches....but its for grownups to experience... it only cause confusion for children...

Of course you are struggling with this now because it is time for you to heal from the pain it has caused you... now you can FEEL the emotions that go along with being sexually abused...because as a child, you couldn't handle those feelings...

now you understand the betrayal and the sick minded people who abused you...and it hurts...

i'm sorry you are having such a hard time with it... but stay with this.. you will find your way to being healed... and you can take control of your life and make it anything you want it to be...Faith