haunted I can only speak from my own experience. But in my opinion you need to focus on what you want from life. Until you know for sure how can you make these desires known to anyone else.

A trial separation can be a good idea. But what do you hope that will accomplish? In my own experience I was so wrapped up in blaming my husband for all of the conflict in our life (and truth be told, he was responsible for a good portion of it) that when he did "extra" things for me I looked at them not as gifts of love (which is what they were) but as an attempt to make up for the things that he'd done wrong (which they did not). At that time everything was weighed on a scale, but not fairly. The root problems were still there, he violated my trust, he insulted my intelligence, he did not give me credit for the strength I was capable of. This was not his intention. His problem was that he was insecure. He was so sure that I'd settled for him when I'd "given up so much" to be with him that his fear made him make bad decisions. Cleaning the house and making my favorite meal for me was not going to make up for a lie of omission.

It took a long time for me to see him as a whole being again. The good and the bad. Are we speculating that it was the cross dressing that changed her feelings or do you know that for a fact? Until you know really and truly what is making her unhappy in the relationship you do not know if these issues can be solved. They very well may be something that doesn't even show up on your radar. Keep in mind it is not up to you to solve her issues. You can support her, but she has to tackle those on her own.

It also took us a long time to learn how to communicate effectively. I would not state clearly and concisely what I was unhappy about, then I'd get even more miserable and irritated because he didn't know. We really did have to do the exercises "you've said XXX, what I hear is YYY, is this what you meant?" You'll be surprised at how far off each of you is with a single statement. That unspoken communication was the main factor in our struggles. To be effective in this, you need to establish your own self worth. My husband made the mistake of thinking I was more valuable than he. Sometimes you have to remove the scab to clean the wound.