I have the most trouble with your wife, that she not only does not accept you for who you are but does not want to do the work to get to a place where she would accept you for who you are. I do not think I could live with a person who blatantly did not love me in that fashion, did not want to partner with me whole-heartedly (to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part). I would not be feeling very cherished? There's no way you can know what else you might want to talk about that would be "unsafe"; she is in effect holding you hostage.