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Old Jul 15, 2013, 12:06 PM
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roseblossom roseblossom is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Never Never Land
Posts: 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna View Post
It is controlling and your mother's opinion of how you should arrange your house, you should try to chuckle at and cheerfully let her know it isn't how you see things. My stepmother did that, when I moved to my apartment she did not like where I put my bed in my studio apartment because the head "would be facing down the hill" (outside, the street was a hill! Who cares what's happening outside when arranging one's furniture inside?) and I liked my furniture off the rug but she insisted they had to be part on and part off or the rug was like an "island". I did recognize my stepmother had been dealing with moving furniture a good 20 years or more longer than I had so I admit the second "island" thing makes sense but I did have to seriously laugh at worrying about my head facing downhill?

If your sister gave you the drawers, call her and short circuit the sister-to-mom-to-you thing going on. Tell her you heard she was interested in the drawers but you're sorry, you're using the drawers and can't spare them now. It does not sound like sharing your plans with your mother is very helpful, she wants to butt in (not her business about the lodger and what furniture you would like in what room; besides, possession is 9/10ths of the law :-) I'd tell her you'd really like X and Y furniture she wants to give you but you you and your sister will be making your own plans together for after she leaves, you aren't interested in thinking about it right now and it's sweet she's thinking about you but buy, isn't she stressed enough having to move herself? (In other words, "Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself").
Thanks for acknowledging the fact that it is controlling - I felt that I was being controlled and my own thoughts overlooked, but its as if I've lost my voice with her.

I agree that its a good plan to call my sister. The only trouble is that I now feel guilty, because of what my mother said, that I want to keep the chest of drawers but that my lodger might end up using them - when my mother implied that my sister ought to have first choice.

I do feel that this was an attempt to manipulate me with guilt, and I know that I'm really vulnerable when it comes to being guilt-tripped because my dad has done it repeatedly throughout my childhood in a very controlling way. I'm only really now in my forties recognising how I've felt guilty about so much that its been a major reason for not standing up for myself and for having suicidal feelings.

Is it reasonable for me to want to keep the drawers even though they might be used by my lodger? I suppose I want to know if I have a good enough reason?

I suppose I feel that this is a sensitive issue because its about me standing up for myself within the family - whereas I've felt the least valued for many years.
Hugs from:
happiedasiy
Thanks for this!
happiedasiy