This post has to do with my husband. We have been married two years. He is a caring person who truly loves me, but he struggles with a lot of things. He is currently on medication for ADHD and depression/generalized anxiety. He is also in therapy individually, along with couples T with me (and I am in T individually as well).

I have a number of complaints with him. One is that he is often irritable and anxious from his stress levels and takes it out on me. He also has poor follow-through with things he says he will do, like getting regular exercise. He seems to oscillate between feeling guilty about his own actions and mistreated by me with no room in between, sometimes even both at once.

Today he slept through his session with his individual T. He says he didn't hear his alarm. This is far from the first time this has happened; in fact he is rarely on time for his sessions as punctuality is not his strong point at all.

All this time I have listened to him saying he wants to change and improve and have held out hope that it would happen, even though I haven't seen a ton of evidence. But the other day I suddenly remembered something my own T told me. We were talking about the nature of work we were doing together, and she said that not everyone can do "this kind of work" (I think she means in-depth, psychodynamic, reparative work). Thinking back to that, it made me wonder if my H is one of those people who CAN'T do the more transformative work and therefore can only change in a limited way. Maybe I need to let go of my dream that he can change on a deep level and just accept I'm married to someone with struggles who will probably always have the same ones?

It makes me really sad, but on the other hand maybe accepting it would help me be less frustrated with him for not making very much progress?