Quote:
Originally Posted by mojo321
I am realizing, although I've know for quite some time deep down, that body size and shape matter when forming friendships with people of the same sex, but not when forming friendships with people of the opposite sex. HOW INTERESTING IS THAT!!!
I am 5'6", athletic, and an all around fun guy. Everyone at works loves working with me. But the guys are all 4" to 10" taller than me. As a result, we don't hang out. There are some that I KNOW are not as "in" as I am, but then I come to work on Monday, and they are talking about something they did over the weekend. I just laugh at the story, and don't put any guilt on them or anything. They have no idea that I would have liked to be included.
I now know, it is due to my height. No, it's not in my head. My emails, text messages, etc all point to great friendships. But when a 5'-6" guy walks along side a 6'1" guy, it is just odd and uncomfortable for some reason. That's why groups of friends gravitate together based on looks and physical size and shape.
The part I find really interesting is, DATING doesn't seem to follow this trend. Anyway, I just thought I would blog about it here. 
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This simply isn't true. I teach Cultural Studies and if one of my students tried to make this argument in the classroom, I would work through their hypothesis with them until they were able to disprove it. As a society, we do have cultural prejudices around appearance-- and it is true that we often tend to be drawn to others who we think are attractive (attractive being an artificial, socially constructed set of characteristics). However, there is no natural, innate, or scientific ground upon which these cultural prejudices are built. And, more significantly, just because cultural prejudices exist does not mean that they determine our behavior or define our relationships. Similarly, to say "height matters among same-sex friends but not different-sex friends" is just silly. It's the same kind of stereotypical pseudo-science that tells us that "women are this way" and "men are that way." It simply isn't true; it just perpetuates stereotypes. Sometimes, height or size can be one (of many) things that people have in common and therefore helps draw them together, but it is by no means a prominent or determining factor. For instance, just because I am thin, does that mean I only have thin friends? No, of course not. And, since I'm short, does that mean I only have short friends? No, of course not. I'm a woman, I'm 5'4,'' and my best female friend is 6'2''. At work, the short people do not segregate themselves from the tall people. Think of all the ways in which we are similar and/or dissimilar from others. If we were to segregate ourselves by height, body size, race, and class-- oy, how would that even work? I'm white, thin, short, and middle class-- do I fit in more with my Indian, thin, tall, and middle-class co-worker or my white, short, overweight and working-class co-worker? It would be a ****-show trying to sort based on all of these categories that segregate us into "like" groups.
In reality, in my workplace, there's a core group of us that hang out (of all different heights and body sizes) and a couple of people who don't necessarily fit in, due to personality differences. For instance, there is one woman (also 5'4'', also thin) who is just really stressed out, really insecure, and on the verge of a panic attack most of the time. We've invited her to group events a few times, but it's difficult to have a good time with her because she's constantly on edge and constantly seeking reassurance that we "don't hate her." This has nothing to do with her height or body size-- or other demographic factors. It's because she carries a lot of stress and fear that makes socializing with her very tiresome for the rest of us. In general, what makes people click-- or not-- is so much more complicated than height or body size.
If your real issue is that you don't fit in and aren't part of the "group" with the other guys at work, I think it might be helpful to look at it from other angles. Do you share the same interests as these guys? Do you typically do the same kinds of things on the weekends? Are you values and attitudes about life similar? Do your personalities mesh? Are you talkative and do you contribute to conversations at work? Do you laugh at each others' jokes at work? Do you exhibit confidence or do you come across as insecure or awkward? Have there been other times in your life when you haven't fit in with the group? Has this happened a lot to you, or is this a unique situation for you?
It's also the case that, sometimes, fitting in with a particular group just isn't meant to be. For whatever reason, sometimes we just don't fit in-- and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with us-- or them. It just means we don't click. But, there will be other times, and other groups, with which we do click.