My mother will sometimes threaten with going to a psychologist. She says I'm so selfish I've made her that way.

Well, I have a plan. When the current semester is over I'm going to try to join a university overseas, and I will get a new job. Regardless of the real salary, I will tell my parents I'm making lots of money, so that they aren't worried moneywise.

To me, my mother exhibits two different behaviours:

1) The other day, she drove 50 miles to bring me medicine because I had a cough. These acts of selflessness are so touching. But at the same time I think, what's the price to pay in the long term?

2) There was a point at which I was very depressed. I had been date raped but I didn't want to share it with her. I knew she would blame me for not being able to take care of myself. The pain of living in denial was not as big as the pain of losing my freedom forever. There were good and bad days (shortly after the rape I lost my job and that increased my depression). On a particular day I was feeling suicidal, but I couldn't disclose the cause of my distress. I told her in tears "mum I'm feeling suicidal, I can't find comfort in this world". I expected my mother to have words of encouragement for me, but instead she made a scene and even hit me She reacted as if I was trying to harm her with my depression... She said I'm useless and unable to cherish the person who gave everything to me (her).

So even though she's very caring in material aspects (food, medicine, etc), she gives no importance to the well-being of my soul...