What does your couples therapist say? This seems like an issue ripe to work on in couples therapy. Has couples therapy been at all helpful? I do agree that just telling someone not to interpret things negatively rarely helps. I have known that sort of person and often they don't even see they are being negative or misinterpreting things. Even when you tell them the truth and set the record straight, so to speak, they still prefer to cling to their warped interpretation. I don't really get that, but a T should be able to help with that, I would think. It is the classic negative thinking pattern that CBT is good at dealing with. Has your husband tried CBT for help with his negative interpretations? Your H may not need to be capable of in depth, psychodynamic work in order to change. CBT has helped a lot of people!

I think what your H has going for him is that he wants to change. At least that is what he is saying. Many people don't want to change and so it is impossible, like leading a horse to water... But if your H wants to change, that is a really good start.

The irritation could be a lot of things--mood disorder, general life dissatisfaction, even personality. Is your husband irritable with everyone, or just you? Has he always had an irritable personality? Or just recently? SSRIs can really be helpful for irritation.

Your posts have a certain tone to them--like you have given up? Can you bring this to couples therapy and just say, "I am really worried things will never change. I don't want my marriage to be like this. I am wondering if I should just give up." Of course, those are my words, but I suggest being very frank in your couples sessions and expressing some of your hopelessness about the relationship.

Good luck.