I guess that my thing here is that I'm not sure at which Cost-Benefit stage to stop at. I'm not sure when I should be altering myself and when I should be like "I am me, if you don't like me, too bad". I'm not lonely, but I feel defective for being unliked all the time which hurts just as much. I have friends at home who love me and tell me I don't need to change and if people don't see the good in me, then they aren't worth it. My therapist is baffled at how people react to me and tells me not to worry about it because I am just mature for my age and things will even out in a few years.

I am a confident person and I am also a very insecure person. However, I feel that my insecurities lie in people insulting me for traits that I find admirable in myself. Why should I have to change the good in me to fit in? I'm honest and I'm an activist.

Just the other day, some kid was being racist and I told him straight out that he was, but I didn't insult him for it. Another kid told me off and said that I "didn't have to make fun of him" and I explained that I wasn't and that I was pointing it out because I'd appreciate if people told me when I was being offensive. Then they proceeded to talk about how "disgusting" fat people are. Why should I have to become spineless and a bigot in order to fit in?

Also, if people are not willing to be understanding with me, then why should I exhaust myself to understand them? I'm not perfect, but I'm at the point where I'm wondering if I should ditch my T's advice and quit trying to make friends with people.

I know that I can always count on having people who love me, but how do I cope with being despised by everyone? Everything I do pisses people off. I write a poem that sounds like another poem and another poet hates me for it. I start seeing a guy and his ex hates me for it. I stand up for what's right and get ridiculed for it. At what point should I just be content with my own company and quit trying to be liked by people who act on a lower moral/maturity standard than I do?

I'm not trying to be conceited, but I'm not sure how else to say it.