Sooo, I need a little vent (what's new?).
I'm currently trying to save for a house deposit. In fact I'm trying to save for the house I am currently living in as I've lived here 8 years this coming December and I'm extremely attached. I vaguely remembered my landlords saying they were thinking of renovating and selling, so realising the lack of time I had left I went into super save mode, selling old belongings, doing dog walking, growing plants to sell, hand making things...
Today I went to the land agent to get some forms for something and while talking to her it was confirmed that my landlords are in fact planning to sell, but she doesn't know when. I do however know that it will be in the nearish future.

My stress has officially gone into super overdrive. I really don't think I'll be able to save everything in time. I've got just over 4 grand, I'm aiming for about 18. Now that I have work I can save a lot more than before, but I really don't think I'll get the amount I'm aiming for in the amount of time that I have.

Of course a lot of people have said, and will continue to say that it's really not a big deal, it's not the end of the world, I can get somewhere else instead. I really don't think people quite get what a big deal this is to me. I have lived in this home since I was 17, and I'm now 25. It's the first home I've ever lived in that I've ever truly felt safe in, that I can decide who or what comes through the front door. I work and study 10 minutes down the road, I know everyone who lives around me, I know what animals show up in my yard. I live right at the foothills and it gets foggy in Autumn and winter, it smells amazing when it rains because of all the trees in my yard. When it's late in the evening the light shines through the trees and turns my bedroom dappled gold.
It might only be small but it's my home, and jut the thought of having to leave and never be able to see this place again is destroying me. Nobody knows what my home is to me. I'm so stressed that I won't even be able to enjoy the last amount if time I probably have here. It's really affecting my PTSD too, and I dream constantly that I get told I have to leave. I moved 13 times by the time I ended up here, a lot of that due to abuse/neglect/poverty. I have in the past also lost all my belongings because of the relationship my mother was in, whether it was sold for drugs or left somewhere I don't know, but that was my whole childhood gone. I guess that may somewhat explain my attachment to things.

I wish I could go somewhere and ask for donations to help me save, haha. I'm even collecting bottles and cans to recycle (where I live you get 10 cents per bottle), I've made at least $40 from that which I guess isn't too bad. I even go for walks just to find them. In my defense it's good exercise and I'm helping the environment by picking up litter, haha.

Anyway, I really needed to have a sook, I'm feeling quite depressed at the thought of losing my home.