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Old Jul 16, 2013, 06:08 AM
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Aiuto Aiuto is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2013
Posts: 268
As my struggles change because this dreadful anniversary of accident date comes I have to stay away from EVERYONE this is what my T told me.I have been having REALLY bad nightmares. So I am going to see her 2 times weekly till I get myself together.When I do have to interact with a person such as friends & family they think I am ok because of my medication and I was having really good days till I got back from a vacation.

My anger has been trying to getting the best of me for example:My one friend that has caused me trauma in the "unknown" diagnosis stage has realized after I got diagnosis that I was having trouble I was not just having a horrible attitude for nothing.Well he actually has tried to help me and give me moral support. I appreciate it greatly, but Friday when me and T had went threw all trauma again she reminded me of what trauma he had put on me in "unknown" time.

So Saturday he comes to get me to take me out to lunch (just being nice) and I flip out on him!He drove on the highway really slow were I got hit a few years back.I went crazy yelling and started punching his car with anger and crying in rage.
This is a work around thing for me when I am driving, I take any other route to avoid this one.

Then he say's what happened to you?You were just fine the other day?I told him I am having compulsive thoughts about the count down of this day that changed my life for the worst.I could not tell him that I am also frustrated with him because of the trauma he put on me when I was very sick before I got my diagnosis.Because then he thinks I am just blaming.

I ate with him that day and have been in isolation from everyone even family since.I have found myself in a really bad place that I am ready to punch someone just because of my anger.I have been addressing to my T all the time about how do I get along with people,how do I handle this anger etc.She teaches me the 3 step cognitive behavior and work arounds which I am usually able to do but I'm in a rough time.

My mother tells me to just stop thinking about this date and forget it....Ok we all know how that goes lol!

I just do not get it one of the cognitive behavior steps is to think before I talk.Well I found I am always thinking before I talk but "normal" people just say whatever.It just sux! I am going to see her again today and tell her about my behavior over the weekend. I wish I could get back to where I was a few weeks ago and have some peace.
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Open Eyes