Abusers do not know love. They sometimes know devotion through fear and manipulation. There are many reasons someone winds up with an abuser, either by mistake or intentionally, but for love isn't one of them. Implying you think being abusive would be a good way to get someone to love you is actually pretty offensive.
Being alone doesn't make you pathetic, but I can understand being lonely. Do you have friends and family you spend time with? Can you crreate other ways to be social in your community and neighborhood? I hear you that its frustrating. There is someone who will appreciate you, and want you to appreciate her. I'm sorry its taking so long to find her.