(((Aiuto))),

I am sorry you are struggling so much right now, I remember going through that myself and wondering if I was ever going to get to a better place, or was I just going to have to keep struggling so much.

Hun, your reaction and anger that day on the highway was just a wave of "anxiety" surfacing, this anger about "not having control" and "experiencing something bad".
When these waves come, you can't stop them, however, you need to understand that "these waves do end" and afterwards you can slowly remind yourself that "yes" that did happen and it really frightened me, but I am "ok" now. I think that because this friend was also present and had failed to "understand" you and be more supportive in the past only added to your anger as you experienced the "flashback wave" in front of him.

I have to say that I too have been "dismissed" for genuinely struggling, especially by my own family members. I totally get the anger and frustration and sense of betrayal that brings forward. Unfortunately that happens with many who struggle with PTSD because there is so much "ignorance" about PTSD out there.

When I am working with an abused horse that also has these "very real fears" when any reminder of abuse or hurt comes? I help the horse slowly get "past" that fear and trauma response by slowly doing the "touching or saddling or whatever" the source of abuse came from until they finally get to a point where they realize that they can be touched, saddled or ridden, without experiencing some kind of pain or trauma.

I have a mustang that was badly "abused" and he would almost sit down when I put a saddle near him, he would shiver and quiver in fear. I had to be "very patient" and keep talking to him and keep showing him the saddle and slowly setting it on his back until he slowly realized that I was "not" going to hurt him with the saddle. Riding him was a challenge too because he would scoot a lot and get quick expecting to somehow have to deal with an aggressive unbalanced rider that would mean "pain" to him. So, while under saddle he was ridden in serpentines a lot, never in a constant pattern so that he was distracted so much by the constant changing of directions that he would slowly calm down and concentrate on all the changes in directions and serpentines.

If I had just allowed him to "avoid" these uncomfortable situations, he would have "never" gotten trained and always been "afraid" of these activities. Helping him get past his fears did not happen over night either.

My daughter now "competes" with a horse that she bought that was so badly abused he would not go into a riding ring, could not be saddled, was afraid to go forward and often his answer was just to rear up and he "was" often easily "angered" too. He was lame, and sore all over and the woman that owned and abused him was considering euthanizing him. But if you saw him now? You would never know it was the same horse, he is competing in the jumpers, is a very talented horse and is winning money and ribbons. My daughter rode him on the trail for 6 months without a saddle and she had a lot on her plate helping this horse "trust" anything enough to go forward and learn. People who watch him compete honestly do not know just how long his journey has been and the tremendous amount of "patience" needed to get him to where he is today.

The truth is, even animals experience a PTSD like reaction to a trauma. It took me so very long to finally get my horses and ponies to be able to go out at night again after they were badly traumatized by my neighbor's dog that lead to so many of them being badly injured. To this day they still get very upset when something comes from that neighbor's yard, even noises or my neighbor out near that property line.

You "can" slowly heal, but it doesn't happen overnight. anger and frustration is "normal" to healing and recovering so be patient with yourself. I really wish I knew how to put a picture of this "real black beauty", actually two black beauties because the mustang is black too. So you can remember that "you can heal with time and patience'.

(((Hugs)))
OE