Hello everyone, this is my first time on this site/forum. I feel I have no one to talk to in real life about this problem, since it is my girlfriend's wishes that I don't tell anyone. I'll try to keep this as short as I can, while still giving you a good understanding of this situation. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 4 years. We love each other very much, and she is the sweetest, most caring person I know (though she has her moments ). I myself, have had anxiety problems in the past (some panic attacks, depersonalization) but felt recovered for quite some time, having no problems with either for years. However, I have had some depression in the past years, but feel it's mainly due to my large size (360 lbs). About a week ago, my girlfriend told me that she had been raped. She didn't put it that way, but what she said was that the guy she dated before me (she only went out with him since he asked her constantly), had sex with her against her will. He took her to a party (family party I believe), and when it came time for her to go home, he pretended that the car wouldn't work. They went to the bedroom, which is where it happened. It hurts just typing this. I had no idea that had ever happened, though I new about her going to a party with him and he pretending the car wouldn't start. She began crying as she was explaining it, and she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She said it was embarassing and felt ashamed. I told her I was very glad she told me, and that in no way was that her fault and that she has nothing to be ashamed of. After comforting her, we changed the subject. The next morning, I drop her off at work and go home. At night, I started thinking about what she told me, and started getting extremely angry and sad that she had went through that and was holding it in this whole time. I couldn't get the image out of my head and the thought of the effect it must have had on her. I cried harder than i have in a long time, feeling guilty for things I may have done/said to her in the past, when I'm the only one in her world she's told this too. The next following nights were the same. "What If.." thoughts began shooting through my head, one of them being if she had caught a sexually transmitted disease from him (she said he didn't use a condom). I then paniced, thinking that I would have to have it too. For the past 4 years we've been together, we have been having unprotected sex ourselves (she was my first, I was her 2nd). No problems have ever come up, but then I went online and read that HIV may not show symptoms for up to 10 years. The "What if.." thoughts then went into overdrive. I was up all night, feeling massive anxiety and worrying myself sick in the stomache. Luckily, a local clinic was offering free HIV tests in the morning, so I went as early as I could. After an hour of waiting, test came back negative. I told them the situation, and they recommended my girlfriend talk to a therapist. I then called my girlfriend on the phone to see if she had been checked, though I was very hesitant to since I didn't want to bring up the issue again. She started crying, and said that we could go together on the weekend. I didn't want to tell her I had already went, but definitely plan to go with her and take it again (I feel very guilty about it, I was just in such a panic). The weekend comes where I pick her up. She seemed distant at first, and I didn't want to bring up the test, as I knew it would just upset her. The weekend goes by, and we never went. I didn't want to bring it up. This whole issue has given me so much anxiety and worry I couldn't bare to see her cry. I'm still worrying like crazy, about us and her. It's been turning my stomache. I can't sleep. I'm going through the anxiety/depression self help program I went through in the past to help me cope through this and figure out how to solve it. I started working out to get rid of the "worrying" energy. I just realized how much I have typed and am grateful if you have read this far! If anyone has any advice on how to work through this situation, It would mean the world to me. I'm afraid she won't go to therapy or ever talk about it again, and it worries me heavily.