I bothered to read your topic and as terrible as it sounds, this is something quite common. I myself have feelings pretty much all the same as you have. I'm 20 years old and I have suffered depression only few years, but I still feel like I'm in a dead end. I don't feel like fighting back. I have tried my best so far, regural therapy, 3 different meds, coping mekanisms, but I always end up to this point where I just don't care. When I start a new med, my hopes goes up and then they come down.

I'm so sick of that I don't know when my mood is going to swing and what I am able to and what not to do in the near future. Not that there would be much to do anyways, but like now I would be going to meet my aunt next weekend. Only thing is, that I cannot promise anything of I would be there, because my mood changes dramatically without any pattern all the time. And when my mood is bad again, it's the most typical depressive horror that you here in the forums know. I keep considering suicide almost everyday.