So. I've been diagnosed schizoaffective many times in my life. Of course the doctors keep going from psychosis and major depression to schizoaffective to blahblahblah diagnosis. All I know is that I have a lot of schizophrenic symptoms and its very irritating. I forget days, laugh for no apparent reason, and sometimes get so bad that I can't even talk.

ANYWAYS. I'm going off subject. Well. I hate being around people. They freak me out and idk they just act awkward around me and I feel like they constantly want me to say something and a lot of the time I just want to keep to myself and listen to my uncontrollable thoughts. A lot of people seem to think that I act fine in social situations. But a lot of the time I feel extremely uncomfortable, judged and watched by everyone, and just idk invaded in a strange way. I try my best to fight this but right now I'm hiding in a room at my boyfriends parents house and I'm just TIRED of social interaction IM TIRED OF IT. I'm tired of feeling pressured to talk when I don't want to TALK.

I'm wondering if any of you out there feel the same way. And how you've tried to fight it. Because its so difficult. I HATE going to stores, I HATE the mall...I HATE anything that has to do with large crowds of people because they're constantly watching me. It sucks because, as a human being, we're "supposed" to be social but I HATE IT.

Anyways, please let me know if you've felt the same. I feel so alone in this, it sucks. Wish I could just be normal.