This is really weird for me to post here and it kind of sounds weird to me to admit but here it goes!

Over the past few years I've been developing severe anxiety. This affects me socially but also has been bothering me with sexual desires. A long time ago if I felt sexual feelings I used my imagination to deal with them. But the problem now is that I get anxiety when it happens. I think it is some sort of compulsion (?) but when I think about someone I like sexually I get anxious and think, "You're not supposed to think about that." (like for example, about my T) and then struggle/fight with the thoughts back and forth (admitting, not admitting etc.). I think this is what they call "Pure ocd" because it seems I get into these mental loops of thoughts. Another problem is that I tell myself that people can read my thoughts so I "purposefully" avoid them (like sexual thoughts). My T and psychiatrist think this is a symptom of anxiety and I tactic I use to avoid things (I don't have hallucinations/psychosis). None of this stuff started until my family member threatened to kill me (VERY CONVINCINGLY) and when I was in a state of psychosis from the trauma, they said they could "read my mind". From then on I told this to myself even though I know perfectly well it's not possible. I had EXTREMELY strong intrusive thoughts all day for days on end from the event and it was excruciating to go through. It wasn't until I got away from the family member that the ocd/intrusive thoughts stopped. But it seems I use the "people can read your mind" excuse for everything. It sucks because instead of experiencing the feelings (and things like sexual urges) I shut down and suppress ALL feelings. I don't know why I still use that idea but it stops me from having ANY pleasant sexual thoughts. And it's getting more and more suffocating. I don't even masturbate hardly any at all which sucks because I'm not in a relationship so that's my outlet for now (fyi I'm a virgin). Anyway, this is pretty embarrassing but I have no clue what's causing the anxiety about sexual feelings. Any help is appreciated!