I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone. It is a very disturbing feeling I know. I've felt that way most of my life.
Are you able to see a professional? I think you really need to talk to someone about your feelings and get help sorting out all your issues. Becoming a chronic victim happens to so many women because we come to see abuse as normal. We don't know where to draw the line with others and slowly give up all our power. I know for me I watch TV a lot and I am often surprised at the things characters consider out of line. I never learned where that line is. When I see this I realize how easily I allowed others to dominate me. If you could talk to someone they might be able to help you know where that line is.
You may need some medication as well. These can be so helpful in getting back on your feet and help you think more clearly.
Of course you can get a lot of help here. There are so many forums for different issues, social groups that make you feel included and lots of information. The Depression Resources at the top of this forum will have information that can help you.
Welcome to PC. Post as much as you need to. That's what this is all about.