I don't feel well these days and I can't tell what's wrong. I don't know if it's grief or stress or depression or something physical.

My Dad died in January. He'd been sick for a while, so it wasn't a huge shock, but it still hurt. Then in June a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a few years passed away from a massive heart attack. Then last week, another friend of mine suffered a massive heart attack and died, too. Too many people are dying this year...
My husband is finally seeing a neurologist about his seizures and sleep troubles, and they fast-tracked him through a bunch of tests last week. And as a family of four on a single income, there's never enough money.

I can't get to sleep. Once i fall alseep, I sleep just fine, but getting to sleep can be hard. Most nights I lay awake for about an hour and a half to two hours before I fall asleep. That means I'm not getting enough sleep because the alarm still goes off at the same time every morning whether I slept all night or not. I've been falling alseep at my desk at work and that's NOT good. I'm taking all my meds like I'm supposed to. I've even added on some melatonin before bed at my doctor's advice. That only helps a little, and makes me even more drowsy the next day. I try getting out of bed when I can't sleep, but then I just stay up even later.

I alternate between feeling really serene and really irritable. some days nothing bothers me and other days I go into a screaming fit if the cat coughs up a hairball. I don't cry much. I'm more angry than sad. Once in a while I'm sick to my stomach and I get headaches.

It doesn't feel like grieving. It feels like i"m exhausted and cranky and sick.
Or is that what grieving really feels like?