That was a great post middlepath! My thoughts spiral down like that too.

I view "me time" ironically as time for other people. I found an excellent loop-hole in the logic here, and have opted to use my own issues to help me.

If I take time for myself to relax and calm down... it means that I am going to be calmer and more responsive to everyone else in my life. It means that I'm less likely to flip out or cause them stress. So voila, me-time is easy-time and guilt-free!

And yeah, middlepath.. changing the thought-process is HARD! It is so so so hard. I've been working on it for like ten years and I'm STILL consistently failing at it! haha. I just keep reminding myself that person A is a good person (and I will list off examples to myself if I need to) and that they haven't done things to break my trust or upset me and that I need to have some confidence in them.

Of course.. when it's someone who HAS broken my trust before? All bets are off. I have a hard time responding to my own brain if they've already done things in the past.

I also routinely tell myself "Just because X is upset or sad about something, it DOESN'T MEAN IT'S ABOUT ME! That's just selfish. It could be any number of things." and usually I will ask the person if there's something the matter - I won't refer to myself in that. Just a general "Are things alright? You aren't really acting like yourself". If they say that things are fine... the first or second time I'll believe them because I should trust their word. If they KEEP having days and days where they aren't fine even though they say they are? Then I remind myself that they have no obligation to talk to me about their problems.

It's when it becomes a consistent pattern that I then freak out and get convinced that it has to do with me. (Keep in mind, I have actually been fairly correct with this assumption, particularly with relationships! I seem to pick out guys who WILL NOT TALK OR BE HONEST ABOUT EMOTIONS... so it goes from them being fine, to me knowing that something is off, to them breaking up without them ever ONCE addressing any issue).

I think I may have just gone off-topic there. Back on topic!

I am quite frankly not allowed to ask someone if they're feeling alright more than once a day. I figure once a day is respectful and allowed, so I delay my worries each day. "Ok. Today maybe they're just tired or feeling a little ill. They might say they're fine because they don't even notice it - I just am over-aware of other people's emotions. I'll make sure to be extra nice to them today and hopefully they'll be feeling better tomorrow." then the next day, if they're still off, I'll re-ask how they are and if things are alright. I'll respond to myself the same as the day before and I will keep doing this for a while. Eventually if they're a close friend and they've had a good chunk of time in a row where they're off I'll get a bit more direct. "How are you? You really haven't seemed like yourself lately, what's stressing you out? You can talk to me about it if you need someone to listen." Usually that will get some sort of a response, it really depends on the friendship itself and how it's set up.