I left here for a time because I felt that I was misunderstood, or that I had to give an account for what I believed...and that upset me, and I realize that I am weak in certain things....but I have been here reading here, mostly because there are those here who have encouraged me, Sky, SeptemberMorn...I asked God this question so many years ago...Why did I get so horribly abused as a child...His word says that before I was he knew me..and quite frankly, that really kicked my guts...so He knew me before the foundations of creation, yet I was abused in every way...So He knew, but could not prevent it...this spoke to my heart of a lesser God..someone who had no control..I truly do understand our free will...it resonates with my own experience as a mother...but I know that he spoke to my heart about this..I came from a seed..My mother and father were together, and then I came from their seed, not from an act of God who put me there to be abused..It was their act of intimacy...God who knows all, knew that I would be..He did not choose for me to come from them...this was an act of their sexual union...God did not sit up in heaven and say,"Yo I shall send you to Stan and Louise who will abuse you". I came from their union together...God knows all, and knew that my life would come from them..He did not put me there...He did not choose for me to be abused by them..there are things that are in order, that create us...This is not directly from Him, it is the order that He created..But he knows all and has a plan for us..At times I can still be very angry with God..I feel so rejected and ignored..I struggle with "where the heck were You?" but my faith knows that He was not twiddling his thumbs...and when my heart fails me, and I shout out to heaven, Why? I go back to my initial place of faith...that He did not create misery or suffering...that I am loved and cherished...that though my past really sucks(sorry) I know that I am now loved..though at some times I can be really pissed with God...but He understands and helps me through it...He is everything that life here on earth is not...and His heart breaks for those of us who have been so abused...He has, and continually heals me of those things that have shattered me..He is good...and man at most times is NOT...