Yeah, Hamster said it. Two abusive parents. Your mum is more of an enabler, though. She isn't helping in her attempts to keep the peace by walking on eggshells, and teaching you how to do the same. I find myself in this situation often with my wife and our kids. At this point, we have all learned to walk on eggshells when she is in a bad mood. Recently, I have been trying to nip it. Her tactic is usually silent-anger-guilt when one of us doesn't jump 100% on board with her viewpoint, or her plan for the evening, or whatever.

The last one I noticed immediately when she started the silent treatment because she had suggested we watch The Notebook and I said I was more in the mood for a comedy or action. **silence and teeth grinding, 30 seconds go by** I said, "Uh, no response?" She said,"Well, what do you want me to say?"

I said,"I don't know, anything. You could say, 'OK honey, maybe next time, or something'."

She said,"No, what I want to say is you're being a jerk".

I said, "Fine. At least that is something. Better than the silent treatment. I'm just not in the mood for The Notebook. If you want to call me a jerk for it that's your thing."

The cool thing about this is, she had to own it now. She couldn't just run the anger silent treatment for 12 hours and then let it fade into history like usual, like it never happened, while I play nice all day until she softens back up.

Within an hour, she was apologizing for calling me a jerk. Accountability.

(sorry, not trying to hijack the thread)

My point is, you may have a bit of an advantage, because the abusive behavior is out in the open, verbal and physical. Confronting this head-on may be a little easier, because the facts are what they are, and he can't deny throwing something, etc...

Your first post says "I need advice on what to do/think."

I'd like to point out that you don't need advice on what to think. You should think what you think. You should feel what you feel. If someone ever says "you shouldn't feel that way", you say, "My feelings are my own. That's one thing you can't control."

When someone says that you shouldn't feel that way, they are really just trying to avoid accountability. They are avoiding saying "I'm sorry." Plain and simple. Or covering for someone else that should say "I'm sorry".

I can give you my opinion on how to cope with it emotionally, and how to react visibly, but nobody should ever tell you how to think or feel. It's impossible, even if were be a good thing! (which it isn't)

Here's my practical advice:

1. Don't make light of the abuse, and don't make excuses for the abuse. When your dad throws stuff or takes his emotions out on you, and you laugh it off, you are defacto giving him permission to use you as his punching bag. You are saying, "it's OK to do that". And he isn't learning.

Instead, say something like, "you almost hit me with that, and I didn't do anything wrong."

OR

"It's not OK to treat me like that."

If he says something like "Well, you never do this or that...." then say "I'll do my best. Please don't throw things at me anymore though, OK?"

"Well, you can be mad if you want to be, but I'm not a part of any of that. I'll go do the {chores you are assigning to me}."

You never said how old you are, so this one might be handy, or not. Replace video games with whatever you enjoy doing that he might use to throw in your face.

"I like spending my free time playing video games. I did all of my chores. How much of my time each day is just for me to do whatever I want? I need you to respect those times. I'm not pathetic just because I like different things than you do."

"Just because I don't do {activity} the way you do, doesn't make me wrong, or pathetic, or stupid."

I wish I had some magic recipe that makes everything OK, but I don't. In fact, some of these statements could make things worse before they make them better. Sometimes, it is just beneficial to say them in your own mind for a while so that you can get used to the logic of why it is wrong. That way, you don't mis-step during the rebuttal. Only fools rush into battle, even if justice is on your side. And You DON'T ever want to give the impression that you are looking for a battle. Wrath can be worse.

OK, here's my best advice. Come back to this forum for hugs as often as you want. I am a dad, too, and you can have a hug from me, pal. (and I'm not a freak, so nothing weird is insinuated there)

Try posting a situation exactly as it occurs and then YOU explain to US why you didn't deserve the abuse. It'll be good practice for you.