Tonight has been so frustrating. The days seem to waste away, here and there...no where mostly. My kids sit in front of the T.V for hours mindlessly wasting their funless days away, and I sit here either on the internet, studying, or on the phone. Then when I am not here I am with them in front of the T.V doing nothing.

Depression tends to peek it's bastard head during the winter espeacially holidays for me. It's typical.

I haven't felt guilty for awhile, but now I do all the time. Last Saturday it was beautiful outside. I ask my husband if he would like to HELP me take the kids to the park. At first he refused, then agreed, then after I got them ready refused again. That day was again in front of the T.V.

I'm going to get my daughters legs braces tomorrow at two. I need help with both the babies because the wait can be long. Well, he refuses to help me. He has personal leave at work and will not take it.

I put them to bed, I lay with my son till he sleeps, I wake up with them despite how late I stayed up on the internet or studying, then I am along during the day. This is everyday.

I take them everywhere, alone, by myself.

Their father hasn't put them to bed once their entire lives. He hasn't waken with them since my son was like 4 mo. old, and he has never once taken them both anywhere.

I need help so badly. I am failing due to my frustrations of always doing it own my own. It's a bad excuse...but it's true.

The T.V and I, we should marry and raise our children together.......