Quote:
Originally Posted by mojo321
Scorpiosis37,
I agree with everything you wrote. Except, like I said, it wasn't at all like I was interrupting anything. It was more like an open social event in the parking lot. And I did know someone there. I didn't pre-judge them. If I had, I would have just walked right on by.
No, they pre-judged me initially, and now I am left to examine the whole thing. I didn't walk up thinking, "these people are all stuck up". But I sure left thinking it.
I gotta say, I am tired of the blame shifting. We don't tell someone who is being bullied that it is their fault. Or someone that is being emotionally abused that it is their fault. But this "grown up, socially acceptable, all smiles" version of the same thing is suddenly my fault? Really?
OK, fair enough. I really do appreciate ALL of the responses to this! I hope nobody thinks I am a jerk or anything. I just really love getting to the bottom of stuff.
I am going to move forward and really examine what I am doing or not doing.
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Really glad to hear that last part! Since you express a desire to get to the bottom of things and figure out what you are doing or not doing, I'll just offer one thing.
You say above that you were not interrupting-- that it was just a social gathering in a parking lot. It's not possible for you to discern that you were not interrupting. You have no idea what they were talking about before you walked up. The only evidence you have is that they all got quiet when you walked up to them. So, chances are that you WERE interrupting. At the very least, you can't say you were NOT interrupting. The fact that you don't realize when you are interrupting (as further evidenced by your behavior, as you explained it in your thread) is probably a big part of what is causing others not to include you.
The fact that you are comparing not being included in a conversation with strangers to children who get bullied and people who get emotionally abused is really quite offensive, especially to those of us (like myself) who have suffered both of these experiences. You seem to want to see yourself as a victim, and are willing to try any excuse to blame someone else for your not being included (you're short, people are prejudiced against short men; they're snobs, they pre-judged you!) If we refute one hypothesis in our comments, you find another. Anything so it is not your fault. I'm not saying you've never been the victim of some kind of discrimination or mistreatment, but you have to think about these things in proportion. What you're talking about is not on the same level as bullying, emotional abuse, race/sex/class discrimination, or even weight discrimination. If people who suffer these more significant kinds of discrimination manage to make friends, date/marry, and get ahead at work, what is really stopping you?