Thank you, scorpiosis. Yes, my Mom may have made mistakes by not encouraging me to be independent, but she was always interested in my life. I've "used" all my Ts as a replacement for her, but they always, always disappoint me. The baby/child parts finally got to be present and tell my T what they needed, and she gave some of that to me, but now I can't use her for that anymore. I wish I could have told her where that hurt, when I was in my session, but I couldn't identify the source of my pain. Now it's clearer but it has to wait until next week.

I took a friend to the emergency room a couple of days ago and stayed 6 hours with her. I had to bring her back again, and told her "I love you." That was very hard for me to say, but she appreciated it very much. She had surgery and is fine now. I feel good that I gave up my time for her; there was no one else to help her. So I get what you mean.

Yes, my T is trying to get me to take action instead of feeling immobilized. It's very hard for me.

She took one week off so I only missed one session but it was the first time I was totally fine and didn't think about her. I enjoyed my "free day" by staying home, not getting dressed until late, and not getting stressed at all! I was proud of myself but it didn't take any effort.

I had a lot going on in my RL and that helped me. I focused on those experiences. Going back and being with my T triggered the feelings of disappointment that she's not who I want. I want the intensity but when I get it, it's not good for me. I told her I couldn't think of another word for "attraction" to her because it's not sexual. I think it IS attraction, like being attracted to a magnet. But it's pathetic when I feel that way. Today was probably the way it should be--more normal, but then I feel miserably disappointed. I have to focus on the SE and what we're doing to help me but it's very hard though others may not understand why it is.