it is hard enough to grieve, without adding guilt. of course you wish things had been different, but if he was the wise person you say, he did understand that you were struggling to build a life. try to focus on the good things he did and said, the good times you had together, and remember that you are grieving for YOUR loss, not his.

i hope writing about your feelings, and eventually talking about them with others will help you to put them in perspective. i know it can take a long time for this feeling to recede, but it will, just stay with it while you have it. grief is entirely natural, and has it's own course...

i hope you find what you need here in PC ~
Gus