so I have found my self in the midst of a poly triad kind of situation between me and my two best friends right now.But there is an issue I seem way more into them then either one of them seem to be for me

which is hard to deal with cause I am bi and personally I would love to find and meet a guy and a girl I could have a relationship with.

and even though none of us are seriously dating each and don't really think we want to.

its giving me a blob of mixed feelings lately and I can't really talk about to anyone in the situation cause I don't want to burst out into tears or get angry with anyone.

Its true I fall for people very, very easily and I do like them both a lot, i am afraid that my feelings are un noticed or just get pushed to the side. I get jealous a lot cause I am not sure if this going to continue being something or if its not. I know that it makes me happy cause I care for them both a lot and them for me

but I have a strong fear that my emotions and most of all my possible hopeful ness that this may or may not turn into something might ruin what is going on.

I want to accept things for how they are....but I have a hard time accepting my emotions more so then the actual situation itself.

its like I am playing a game of tug a war with my emotions and realistic expectations I want to be rational and I know what is but emotional self does.

not always see that difference.

lol I have said countless times to myself I want to give up on finding love or dating. Cause whats the point.
and almost always I end up in a spot like this were people like me and care for me and it could possibly become something but some how cause of my socal awkwardness, anxieties, depression and emtion regulation...I screw up something along the way