(((Aiuto))),

I am very sorry that you have so little support and when someone is struggling with PTSD being "denied" and "invalidated" is magnified and can be so crippling. Any history of "abandonment" will come forward too, I deal with that myself too. And the people we really need to be supportive can be the very ones that hurt us even more, to a point where it can get painful and crippling too. I have been challenged with that myself too. And what can happen with PTSD is that the sufferer can turn their anger inward and begin to "self blame" because they struggle so much.

It is very important that you do whatever you can to keep "supportive" people around you right now. It is important to understand that it takes time and support and all you "can" do right now is take things one day at a time and continue to focus on therapy and "self care" no matter what.

I believe you about your mother too, and while you do not like your daughter living with your mother, you have to let that go right now because you are not in any condition to be able to care for your daughter when you are struggling so much. Your daughter will not understand it, and that is "not your fault" either.

Sometimes what "can" help though is having the people that give you a hard time see your therapist so they can be told that what challenges you is real and that they need to be more "supportive" as you work on "healing" and that it "does take a considerable amount of time" to work through and gain control of the PTSD. However, sometimes that doesn't work, as people can have a tendency to "want to be in denial", especially if they have their own issues.

So, Aiuto, you have to slow down and focus on yourself and do extra "self care" right now, and be "very patient" with yourself. I know that can be such a challenge and there can be days that can be debilitating, I have dealt with that myself too. One day at a time and lots of patience as you slowly work "through" the PTSD.

What I have learned is that when I get to a day where I am badly triggered and struggling and want to vent out the frustration. I need to be extra patient and do my best to "self observe" and slowly realize that I need to understand that these "waves" do come forward and I need to be patient and can only work on the "healing" after the wave of emotion slowly "dissipates".

Also, when you experience the "extreme emotions that come out strong because of how PTSD does magnify everything" yes, you will also have the extreme desires to reach out and want "justice" and also want to "help others and the empathy levels can get very high". Everything is "magnified" with PTSD and the desire to "communicate these strong feelings is also a huge "drive" too. Part of that is because as human beings, our existentialism is all about "sounding an alarm and sharing knowledge to insure survival of the species".

Most people practice "disassociation" and will tell themselves and others to "find a way to "ignore" the past, the challenges, the day to day realities that are not fair and can make life such a challenge too. But, when someone has PTSD, they cannot do this and they "want to do it" but because they have been traumatized and now struggle with "extreme awareness" they cannot "just do this or that as others insist they "just do". What that creates is a lot of "anger" and an anger that seems to come out even before "conscious thought is there" and this anger can also turn inward too. Yes, this can be exhausting and even embarrassing and very difficult to "control" which is why it is very important to be around people who "understand this and can remain supportive and understanding as you slowly work through these challenging strong symptoms". The most important part of "healing" for someone with PTSD is having access to "a constant source of "comfort" and "validation" and a presence that can "listen, listen, listen" as you need to vent out and "mourn, mourn, mourn". If that presence is there, it really does "bring relief" and yes, sometimes it feels like one needs a T that can do that almost "every day" too.

The reason I brought up the work I had to do with the abused horses I took on, is because what I did learn from that is that it really does "take time and patience" to help an abused horse or pony to slowly "trust" and be able to "relax" and get to a point where they learn that a "saddle can be put on their back without "pain" or that I am "not going to just hit them in the face" either. But to "really help an abused animal" it takes a lot of patience because their "healing" really does not happen over night. And for some things, they will always "worry" and be "cautious" about too.

The only way to "slowly" heal is to do "lots of self care" and move forward "slowly".
Often PTSD, can get "worse" before someone can slowly gain more control over it, and it is not a steady climb either, it is good and bad days and yes sometimes a trigger can be crippling for a couple of days, but you "can" keep gaining, however, it "is" up and down for a long period of time, and no, you cannot "push it faster" it really does take "lots of patience", and it is "not your fault" either. Being around others that can provide "comfort and support" is crucial, and often PTSD patients find a lot comfort interacting with others who do experience it first hand, and are far enough along in their healing and therapy work that they can be good source of support and validation for the extreme challenge. However, it is not unusual for two PTSD sufferers to "trigger each other" sometimes too. I have experienced that myself, so even there "patience" is a must.

It is good that you found this forum, you need to have a way to "vent" so you are not holding all this emotion inside yourself.

(((Caring supportive and gentle hugs)))
OE