In your last session two things happened that are confusing/dont sit well/you struggle with:
1. You T wants you to go help your mother, hwen in the past she has always been against you going to help your mother. And when she didn't want you to go it felt so like she cared about you, and you liked the feeling. But now that she doesn't want you to go, it feels like she doesn't care as much? Is that it?
2. You told her about your friend, adn she seemed to have so much empathy for your friend - empathy you have never experienced from her. And you used to just chalk it up to "how she is" but now you wonder and you want the empathy your friend gets (not that you want your friend's empathy, but you want empathy also)
So now you think maybe you T really hates you, and you are selfish for wanting empathy? and you get what you deserve and you aren't an easy client? And maybe your T know more about you than you do? Is that it? and most of all, you hate who you are and wish you could be somebody else.
And Ts are human and make mistakes. I hear your emphasis on HUMAN as justifying the mistakes. Is it like that?
This sounds like such a painful place, feelign like you don't have the empathy you can see, and thinking you are horrible, and being confused about your T.