I guess I should clarify some things. I'm male, so the books about mother-daughter relationships might not be as helpful for me. Although I do appreciate the post because it will help me do my own research. Also, I don't want to pretend like I'm a perfect saint in all of this. I was pretty oblivious to the fact that my relationship with my mother wasn't healthy until I reached adulthood. When I was 19 I came home from work one day and out of the blue my mother tells me that she could have aborted me. That had a pretty profound effect on our relationship, and to this day she tries to brush it off like it didn't mean anything. After that there was considerably more animosity between me and her. We'd argue quite a bit (she enjoyed arguing with her children, and would create drama in order to do so) and the arguments could get pretty heated. Towards the end I'd say some really nasty things to her. She would also have a tendency to help her children just enough that we had to be dependent on her. She wanted us to need her, and I let her control me that way for a long time.

I should also point out that my relationship with my father wasn't that great either, although, again, the rest of my siblings consider me to be his favorite. He was prone to making snap decisions, and once he made them he'd stick with them to the end. This is in contrast to my mother that could never seem to make her mind up about anything. As far as I can tell both my parents had ADHD, although I could be wrong as I'm no expert. Mom just had the inattentive type as I believe I do.

I'm less concerned with my relationship with my father now because he's gone, and I guess I feel a little guilty about the fact I don't want to have anything to do with my mother even though she's probably not going to be around much longer.