View Single Post
 
Old Jul 18, 2013, 03:16 PM
Lovingsheep Lovingsheep is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Posts: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarlaKat View Post
So. I've been diagnosed schizoaffective many times in my life. Of course the doctors keep going from psychosis and major depression to schizoaffective to blahblahblah diagnosis. All I know is that I have a lot of schizophrenic symptoms and its very irritating. I forget days, laugh for no apparent reason, and sometimes get so bad that I can't even talk.

ANYWAYS. I'm going off subject. Well. I hate being around people. They freak me out and idk they just act awkward around me and I feel like they constantly want me to say something and a lot of the time I just want to keep to myself and listen to my uncontrollable thoughts. A lot of people seem to think that I act fine in social situations. But a lot of the time I feel extremely uncomfortable, judged and watched by everyone, and just idk invaded in a strange way. I try my best to fight this but right now I'm hiding in a room at my boyfriends parents house and I'm just TIRED of social interaction IM TIRED OF IT. I'm tired of feeling pressured to talk when I don't want to TALK.

I'm wondering if any of you out there feel the same way. And how you've tried to fight it. Because its so difficult. I HATE going to stores, I HATE the mall...I HATE anything that has to do with large crowds of people because they're constantly watching me. It sucks because, as a human being, we're "supposed" to be social but I HATE IT.

Anyways, please let me know if you've felt the same. I feel so alone in this, it sucks. Wish I could just be normal.
Hello Darlakat -

Thank you for sharing your story, for it makes me truly feel I am not alone. Yes, I can definitely relate to this one.

People don't understand it, but like you, I despise large crowds, especially malls. I only enjoy going to things when it's super empty,relaxed and as few people around as possible.

I too wish I could be more "normal," but then again...what does "normal" really mean sometimes? Is it "normal" to want to surround yourself with thousands of strangers? Should we be made to feel different just because we can't really find comfort and peace in these boxed-in, stressful situations?

My other triggers are packed buses and trains. I have to ride public transportation every day, which is a nightmare for me. Too many people, too many problems. It doesn't help that I happen to live in one of the most over-crowded, violent places on the planet, either.

I wish you much peace and personal joy as you continue the fight every day. God bless.
Thanks for this!
Tsunamisurfer