I am new here so please bare with me a moment. I am 48 years old been with the same man for 4 years. Just recently moved in with him for the second time the end of June 2013. First time i lived with him was about 2 years ago and it was for only 2 weeks then i left.

So here we are two years later and i'm still with the same brutal man. I brought my two kids 17 & 16 years old to come here to live with my boyfriend. Not that it matters but he is Asian I am white.

On my birthday June 21 I was fired from my job. My boss was a **** anyways, playing games and so on but thats ok moving was a huge enough deal for me and the kids to deal with. I was excited about the move. When i got fired from my job i was so afraid to tell my boyfriend because it was a week before i was suppose to move in. I told his sons gf before i told him because i had to get it off my chest. Of course stupid as I was I told a 22 year old not to say anything...of course she did...to my boyfriends daughter...who then approached me on the matter...my bf had no idea what was going on when he came in the house and seen the 3 of us fighting like cats and dogs....I apologized to his daugher because i suppose she was looking out for her dad....I honestly get that I would mine as well....we both made mends all was good. Then the big mouth who told was my biggest problem...i tried to make mends with her but she thought she was right...i had no time or use to talking to her after I tried.

My boyfriend has been angry with me says things like: I will never know why you really got fired.....You are a liar......you are nothing but a talker....and the worst part he has not spoken a nice word to me in almost 3 weeks.....

Its normal for him to get mad and not speak for several days but never this long....

For the 4 years I have been with him, he has hacked my facebook cracked into my hotmail account and now he has a router that tells him where i been and what sites i have visited....I have zero privacy.

He has never told me i was beautiful, or pretty even when i do myself up for him....he has never jsut held my hand he has never just kissed me for the kindness of it....he has never stood by me in any kind of family disagreement....we have had a few....I feel like a true outsider
yet i stay with him and he continues to tell me he does love me....ONLY if i ask him if he loves me he says YES.

I gave away all my furniture to his kids...i have nothing left....no job, no soft place to fall at night, no where to run and hide, no one to tell me its gonna be alright, and all i wanted to do was to love him and make a happy home for us all.....I am sooo sad and hurt deeply over his actions and lack of respect towards me and I am afraid to go....i'm afraid to not be with him but I have noo idea why i'm afraid...

He is very mean, i think he could be emotionally and mentally abusive...in many ways. I sometimes feel a hard kick wouldnt hurt as much as his silent treatments....

Any advice on how to make this work or to wake me up and get me out of this situation would be sooooo greatly appreciated....

many thanks for reading and responding

Christine