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I grew up in an extremely abusive situation… I really don’t think that I am the abusive one... if I am abusive at all, he is too. Dysfunctional – yah, I am that, sure. Who isn’t? I forgive myself and I have been working on therapy, self realization and I am always looking to better myself. The situation he grew up in wasn’t good, either… but he had a very supportive father. His mother went downhill rather quickly and ended up in a sort of facility. Her Dr. prescribed her Prozac and my husband says that after she started taking that, things never got better and she had to take it the rest of her life (that he knows of). By the way, I am taking Prozac. She is still alive but refuses to acknowledge that she has children so he never talks to or sees her. She is very mentally sick. I have heard stories that she was also a very heavy drinker, neglected the children and had hallucinations.
It is true, I do need to learn to detach myself from his problems… and figure out what is really my responsibility to take on. I accuse him of acting like a victim but I need some boundaries and to stop being a victim, myself. It does feel like I am accepting responsibility for everything and just taking it all on. Who am I to think that I can handle everything!? Classic Co-Dependency tendencies left over from my upbringing, I guess. I search for inner strength and the ability to overcome these tendencies. Yet, I also want to love him and care about all of the things that he feels – thus why I usually end up apologizing and accepting fault for everything that goes wrong. He has this way of twisting everything into being my fault and because I want everything to be fixed and good – I accept fault and try to fix it because I really think I can. It would be easier if everything actually WAS my fault!!
A 1 man poor me show rings true and so does selective mental retardation!
Thanks for making me smile. Now – how to tell him that without being called abusive? It often seems that he reacts negatively to anything that I say that is not agreeing with or complementary of him. It’s like I am abusive because I have my own opinions. “I know you have your opinion – but your opinion is wrong.” He seriously said that to me just the other day.
I don’t know how to be honest and open with him without ending up feeling sorry for it afterwards. Literally when we end up in an argument (usually when I don’t absolutely agree with and validate him) and the only way to resolve it is I HAVE to apologize and beg him to forgive me (which apparently he cannot do). He is so ultrasensitive… insecure. Like I said, I don’t think he has the tools to break through to a better place in our relationship and I cannot do it alone. He is always checking out of reality when he is drinking and smoking. Spiritually, emotionally I am so alone. We’ll see what counseling does for us. Fingers crossed. I married him because I loved him – everything about him and who he was. I wanted to spend the rest of our lives making each other happy and raising a family together. I believed him when he said he loved me… that we meant the same things with those words. I miss my best friend. Of anything, I want us both to be happier… even if that means apart. That is where I am now… I just want to be happy.
What can I expect in couples therapy?
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