oh BreeMarie a kindered spirit you have in me.

I went through and am going through some very similar things.

The first man I have ever loved, couldn't handle the depression. He too thought he could, since I'm very upfront about it from the start. Like your BF, he had not experienced an episode, especially a double depression (combo with Dysthymia). It was a fairly new relationship, so as custom goes, we didn't last past the 5 mo. mark. Even I have never felt this way about anyone till I met him. He was the first man I ever made love to, totally different experience from sex, which as all I had known.

I too am discouraged by my friends lack of compassion and care. You send them emails they don't respond. You can only get access to them if you are the one to trek to see them, even though you are the one who's most tight with me, due to being on Employment Insurance and now it's run out.

I see a Counsellor, today she told me that I don't need friends like that. She suggested I email them and say, "listen, either you come and visit me, just for me, and not to see some concert etc, because I won't be coming to see you, due to lack of energy, and money".

But they are all busy with their happy little lives with newborn child and new job, and having parties with their friends in their city. So I've had enough. I joined a self help group, where I met some wonderful ladies, and for once since my break up, I can talk to women who can relate who are not named Mom.

As for people not understanding, we've all been there, espeically at work and with loved ones, and significant others. Is it me or do BF or GF close themselves off to understanding. I used to send my ex-SO (significant other) articles about depression and take books out of the library on how to cope with someone you love is depressed. But he never read them, if only after our relationship ended, if he ever got past the first few pages before being bored.

I wish he would have come with me to support groups or go to Family Information night, but he prefered his work, his pals, and his sports. It's disheartening, but something we all have to deal with at some point, for the most part.

The thing that has kept me a little up, is that fact that a relationship 'failing' is not all your fault. I used to take the whole blame and keep doing so at times, but it takes 2 to tango. Your BF had his fair share in your less than stellar outcome. So let him take responsibility for his own action or more like inaction.

Keep us informed, most of us have been there;, done that, wrote about it. I'm new as well, and I still can't phantom why I haven't come on this site till now, 3 months after the breakup and 5 months after the start of depressive episode. But I"m glad I did.

When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot.

Nathalie