Alteredstate, I am trying to meet at the balance. For me, I need that. I read Seeker, (who is working on her degree) and discovered that I too "could" gain from the stance that she is taking in some respects. On the other side of the coin, I am quite enjoying ventures out with affectionate showing of myself because even though I had been pretty badly injured ( ex. in Relationshiping-some of it was extremely badly hurt to close to dying out spiritually, mentally and even in one case physically) I cracked the doorway open a tiny bit (vulnerable=ok=still ok=even delightful because the truth hurtest but looks good on me too/potluck/ life IS Good -sometimes on days- when I have pep enough to give it a chance minus other days (no Way) But, Somedays people, that "door" is locked shut, still I might choose to open the emotional and spiritual blinds and or dance to my own bluey or rock tunes if I can and the old 45 years olds kid energy kicks into gear when my mental transmittion has the gusto; some days I'm by my lonesomeness a shaking under the covers doing the teardrop sonata and could be watering the invisable grass that would grow if it could on my two embrodered pillowcases-"The greif days, those be; hopefully the merry-go-round keeps me spinning as the world turns in my own opera of my life- my personal television show, like the "As The World Turns." My kids are the commercials, and waiting in line at the bank and supermarket are the perks that make me take thoughtful thought breaks defined as (appropriate anger letting- in blood-letting form - a deep-breathing yoga type activity-)to say me prayers not to get hostile and unkind. I love others more than I love me but the oxymoron is-comming here and having friends, I am starting to like me, just alittle more. Here Here !!!